The diary and the story book -- The story book -- My first thoughts about the story book -- Crosses, trees & no arms and feet -- Water, tears & a use of gravity -- Always protecting your mother -- Two new free drawings -- Play of making collages from my failed paintings -- Words made flesh -- The incantation and "the hidden order of art" -- My father, his breakdown and recovery -- My mother and us three children -- Me being physically ill and the Undine story -- Being in analysis with D.W. Winnicott -- A D.W. paper on disillusion about what one gives -- D.W.'s doodle drawings -- Towards bringing bits of oneself together -- The Easter story -- An area for the play of opposites -- Conclusion: useable dreams.